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If I Am Missing or Dead A Sister's Story of Love Murder and LiberationLent fear and pain Haunted by this Janine Latus turned her journalistic eye inward How she wondered did two seemingly well adjusted successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive relationships with men If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own and her sister's victimization with unflinching candor This beautifully written memoir will move readers from the first to the last page At once a confession a call to break the cycle of abuse and a deeply felt love letter to her baby sister Amy Lynne Latus If I Am Missing or Dead is an unforgettable read. Wow after reading some of the reviews down there it's a wonder that Janine Latus doesn't pull every copy of her book off of the shelf and give up on women as friends in addition to giving up on menThe book is a Sister's Story of Love Murder and Liberation There are 3 things here and I think Janine covers them all She talks about love her love for her sister her family and eventually herself She talks about murder the lurking potential for her own her sister's and the constant potential for those around her to be hurt or murdered She talks of liberation her own by fleeing her sister's in death I'm not sure why so many are so down on her Yes she plays the victim She's both an author and the subject She must at once be the person who was brave enough to escape but author enough to help the reader understand why she needed to do so and for that she must help you understand how she and her sister came to be the victims that they were for a period of timeAs I read the reviews below I understand over and over why friends of mine have not reported violence domestic abuse and sexual assault to friends relatives and authorities I mean look at how total strangers and loved ones treat each other even when there is love intermingled with abuse Not every day is an abuse fest for people who are abused There are days of passion love affection self doubt and wondering who will love youyour kids And before you wonder about me no I am not a current victim of abuse but I know those who have been I have been in the past very briefly and I put an immediate stop to it however; I can completely understand how some people in my life are not in the same postion whether financially emotionally in their maturity or they just do not yet understand that it isn't going to resolve itselfthey need to learn for themselves It doesn't make them bad people It doesn't make them stupid or weak It makes them different and thank God for differences Without differences we'd be Stepford Wives and who wants thatCan't we all be a little understanding and compassionate toward each other This author didn't promise you the gruesome details of her sister's murder She promised you a story of love murder and liberation from her point of view and I think that's what she delivered I think that some people must have read this book hoping for gory details and must have been disappointed not to get themHaving said all of that I didn't love the book I liked it It was a uick read and is always hard for me to stomach when I want to reach through a book and say Womanfor God's sake See your own value Still I know that this happens day in and day out and that it doesn't take much for someone to go to a place where they feel less than and when someone is there they don't make the best decisions Self preservation is not always a priority when a person is lacking in confidenceMy greatest hope is that anyone who reads this book or any book like it whether they enjoyed the read or hated the read will see the signs in their own abused loved ones and ask the right uestions or send on the right resources before it is too late You can't force someone to leave if they're not ready but you can help them be prepared when they are ready They may never thank you but you will feel powerful knowing that they'd still be where they are now if they hadn't had someone's support and belief in them along with the resources phone numbers rides babysitters shelter anonymity hugs etc when they needed themFinally this book makes me thank God for my husband I know what is out there It also makes me thank God that I like myself enough to know that no husbandboyfriend is better than a bad one

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Rapped Ten weeks later Janine Latus had left her marriage She was on a business trip to the East Coast savoring her freedom attending a work conference when she received a call from her sister Jane asking if she'd heard from Amy Immediately Janine's blood ran cold Amy was missing Helicopters went up and search dogs went out Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county It took than two weeks to find Amy's body wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site It took nearly two years before her killer her former boyfriend Ron Ball was sentenced for her murder Amy died in si. Even though the basic premise of the account was her sister's death every element of the book didn't tie into it Instead what she did was establish a pattern of abuse that made it understandable for these two strong smart beautiful women to accept a pattern of abuse that is unacceptable for anyoneTo be fair she can't write about what she didn't know or experience herself We get to know Amy as a family member would know her in this case as a little sister They speak on the phone and through email They visit occasionally especially when Amy is overcoming cancer It's a powerful account of how life can render you powerless simply with the passage of time These women rely on each other but are also afraid to show weakness and tell someone else what is happening in their lives over years In the end Janine is divorced and Amy is dead There is also a stinging note of injustice here Janine ends up flat broke and alone starting over as she has again and again; Amy's admitted murderer ends up with the possibility of parole in twenty years or less Their Dad a smarmy creep who started the entire cycle of abuse ends up remarried He may be all but dead to his children only popping up occasionally after he and their mother divorce but that's really it He still makes crude and totally inappropriate comments at Amy's funeral and tries to kiss his adult daughters on the lips and never loses his sense of entitlement There is also a girl power sort of feeling that is hard to explain Their mother even in the early 80's when divorce was still not particularly common stepped up to support her family left her lecherous husband and eventually found a relatively happy life even if only for a while Janine left her means of sole support relying only on the fact that she had done it before and she could no longer exist in an emotionally and intellectually crushing environment nor could she leave that as a legacy for her daughter The last thing I will remember is this In our family we say it always Even before Before we knew for certain that any one of us could disappear We say it because it is who we are It is what binds us together as a family For some reason there is comfort in that Our lives are precious and we shouldn't waste them caring for those that don't care for us We should instead focus on making sure those who do care know how we feel in returnAbove all I'm now rooting for this woman I don't know who lives and exists somewhere with her daughter and hoping that she found a happy existence And I'm hoping that somehow her little sister is at peace Let's be honest I'm also hoping that her sister's murderer gets what he deserves

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review If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation Ï eBook or Kindle ePUB Á In April 2002 Janine Latus's youngest sister Amy wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved it read but I fearIn April 2002 Janine Latus's youngest sister Amy wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved it read but I fear I have placed myself at risk in a variety of ways Based on his criminal past writing this out just seems like the smart thing to do If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected me That same spring Janine Latus was struggling to leave her marriage a marriage to a handsome and successful man A marriage others emulated A marriage in which she felt she could do nothing right and everything wrong A marriage in which she felt afraid controlled inadeuate and t. Ok I get that in the beginning Latus is setting up the family's background for enduring and living with violence within their relationships But it's turning me off I don't know why just yetLaterIt has been a long long time since I said Yuck to a book here on GoodreadsWhat I'm about to say may cause many people to hate me and jump down my throat due to the nature of the memoir but I'm just giving my honest impressionI believe Janine Latus to be one of the most self centered overtly pathetic female as victim authors I have ever had the displeasure of reading I realize that her never ending sad girl victim on a stick routine was an attempt to frame the terrible tragedy of her sister's death but it just turned me off as a readerJanine's choice after destructive choice of boyfriendshusband was born from her train wreck bordering on pedophile father's antics but as an author she didn't pull it off It left me feeling angry not at her abusers but at herOn this 8 and 12 hour audio her sister's story slowly and painfully emerges it all but mirrors Janine's except she was killed by her abuser And when I say slowly and painfully it's because Latus spent approximately 7 hours of the audio whining about her own situation and of course calling her sister fat over and over again I don't know if it was Latus's lack of talent to convey the irony of her situation in reference to her sister's but it really came across as though Latus had no self awareness not even at the endHow is this woman a professional journalistprofessor of writing It's terrible that her sister suffered in such a hideous way and I really think it's terrible she suffered as well But Latus's inability to translate leaves me feelingwellYuck